It is that time again to sit back and reflect upon all the events that happened over the past few weeks.
You know, back then when I was jobless, I can basically write about almost anything and everything; it's like my job is just to stimulate crap out of my brain juice and then let the processed juice flow through my fingers to the keypads which strings the thoughts into sentences that hopefully, contains a certain dignified meaning. I guess it's because when one has nothing to do, they have more time to ponder on different things.
When you start working, you lose the luxury to just sit and think...The only time I do that is before I sink into my little single bed every night, but sometimes, my brain went to off-mode even before my mind is able to fully on itself.
I'm not sure if you are that kinda person but though I don't seem like one who would analyze events, I actually do, which is a painful habit I might add because when you reflect on things too much, you tend to overthink things, which I feel is kinda bad. I am the kind of person who cares too much about what other people think about me and thus, usually I'll think about the things I've said and done, and how people could have perceived me. On top of that, I also analyze how others treat me and then try to figure out if they actually like me, am annoyed or is just treating me fine etc etc. I know I know...I don't know why but I just can't stop myself for thinking about all these stuff, which to some is relatively unimportant.
But sometimes, the good thing about having loads of stuff to do is that it leaves you with almost no time to think, because like I said, you dozed off even before you can think.
At this time, once I've completed 90% of my work tomorrow and now that it's almost the weekend again, I sorta have the time to contemplate on the current events around me.
Last two weeks saw the whole office working our arses off for our Singapore client. I don't know why, but most clients are just really difficult to handle. "Difficult" is like the single most definitive adjective to describe a client is. It's like they all were given birth by the "Queen of Evil" or something and since birth, they are stamped with the brand "difficult".
Without the word "difficult" tattooed on their heads, they are not clients. Clients who are nice are partners I guess lolx.
The thing about "difficult" clients is, they always want you to fulfill ALL their wishes, regardless if you have to cross the universe, reach the moon or fly over the sun, whatever...you just get it done. But when I think about it, it is a chain reaction. You see, our clients could have clients or bosses whose wishes they need to fulfill and to fulfill that particular clients' demands, they need to get us going. So basically, everyone has to cater to someone's demand and then give another person a hard time for that. Sigh...life!
After being in the service industry for about a year, I swore to myself to be nice to people who are in the servicing industry, but the exception made to those who are just being plain jerks and idiots, that's a different story. I mean, I know how it feels like to have demanding and sometimes unreasonable clients and so the last thing I want to do is be like the clients that I don't like. For example, I can't stand people who are rude to waiters and waitresses who are nice and patient with customers. But then I am also not fond of waiters and waitresses who are not doing their jobs. I mean, I can understand if they don't smile (I mean, they've had a long tiring day walking around and serving people, so I guess we should cut them some slack) although it is usually bonus points if they smile, but when they are very rude, that is when I get really annoyed.
But difficult clients are very effective trainers since they really test your patience and creativity. I mean some of the clients' requests are close to impossible and you just have to go through the maze and open every single window you can find. That is where my bosses come in. They make solving problems (and sometimes crisis) look so easy it is like eating peanuts. No doubt they are stressed out but they really manage those gripping moments with grace.
For me, when I just can't take it anymore, I usually just curse and middle finger them in my mind and then think that this will all be over soon and I won't have to see their faces again. But crap, the saddest thing is that I'm handling one tough permanent client that won't be rid off my life unless I quit the job. But the experience of handling them and all the various clients who are off-springs of the Queen of Evil is that you are actually getting free "injection" that immunize you to scoldings and being mocked and etc. But the immunization injection is not like a fast-track thing because after so many 'injections' in the form of harsh reminder emails, there are stills times in which they have hammered and punched my spirits and confidence to such a low that I thought I could barely lift them up again. Standing up again is so difficult but I guess with the strength provided by God and my family, I manage to recharge and boost up a few percentage of confidence.
Sometimes, the after-effect is so bad that I carried the thoughts of work into my dream. Multiple times have I dreamt about EMAILS and EMAILS and what I have to do for my client the next day. Sometimes I dream that I'm doing it and sometimes I dream of what happens after I've completed it....what the hell!! My dreams are supposed to be exclusively for Chris Richardson, Jensen Ackles, Gerard Butler (dunno why I'm so into him right now), or any gorgeous dudes's special appearances...and not a friggin' scary witch-voice playing in my mind.
But I guess after awhile, I will slowly learn to put work aside after working hours. Right now, it is still quite difficult as I can't live with not finishing at least 80% of what I need to do tomorrow, or else, what's the point of going to bed if I can't sleep. My soft pillows and mellow mattress won't help much in cradling me to bed because my mind will wander to the work file stored in the memory of my laptop. Plus, like I said, the last thing I want is to go to bed knowing that my dream is reserve for another shot of reminder.
These are the consequences of having a job. You stress over your job performance because, of course you want to do well. You stress over dateline, you stress over clients' demands, you stress over the lack of leisure time...
When you have no job, you stress over making a living, you worry because you have no money...
So a generally known conclusion is that, humans are never satisfied. So we just have to program our minds to feel happy. I guess that is what I am trying and trying to do.
Most of the time I'm happy at work but then at the back of my mind still lingers a dream to be a lifestyle & travel magazine writer. Life is never a straight road and again, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad. When life comes with crossroads, it leaves us with a road not taken, there which lies a mystery that is sometimes visited by our thoughts. We always think back and wonder, what will happen if I did that instead of this...
There are some roads that have clear signboards pointing us to the right directions but there are also roads with missing signboards and we can only follow our hearts and pray that it will take us there. But then again, like I said, half way through, we would have think this..."what if I made that left turn instead of this right turn? perhaps I'm there already".
With Lotsa Love
Tammy
I choose to go straight while waiting for the next turn. Did I choose the right path or should I have made that turn? Nobody knows....
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