TO LOVE OR NOT

To not be able to be with someone you love , or to never have felt real love before...

Which one would you prefer?

Two stories,

One my own...

And another, told from my point of view.

I've seen people falling in love, getting into a relationship, and I've seen couples fall out of love.

Tough...

The sad truth is, people change and love seldom last forever.

But I guess real love does.

I've been single for 23 years, I guess you can say, the whole of my life.

When I was in my teens, I never thought about loneliness because the truth is, I'm blessed with love from friends and family. Never before I felt the need to have a man or a partner to understand me or something like that because I've so many partners in the form of family and friends.

As I grew older, and ventured into college life, I still was not pressured to find someone in my life because again, my mission was to complete my studies and do well. I mean, if it's destined that I'll meet someone, I wouldn't fight it,but then, I'm not the desperate type who insist of finding any float just so I can hang on to something and look like I'm swimming.

Now that I hit 23 and with practically everyone around me in a relationship, can I still say the same?

Mum has been pressuring, aunts and uncles asking....

"It's time...", they say.

But how  would they know? Because I don't.

I haven't found that person who got me going head over heels and confident that he is the one I want to spend with the rest of my life.

I think finding your love is more than just going to pubs, clubs and bars and then dive into a relationship based on what...looks? sexual attractions? 

Or just going out there to hang on to someone just because you need to at least have someone to hold...those are temporary ...it will hurt when it ends someday...

It seems like it helps you get over the moment, but I guess what follows is a series of guilt and regrets.

Am I pressured...well, to a certain extend yes...

But am I going to just settle with anyone just because of that...no.

I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt others.

Until I feel secure with a person, I think there;s no way I'm surrendering. 

There are no guarantees, because love doesn't last forever.

But...why can some people make it?

Why can I see two white haired couple holding hands in parks, telling each other tales, and the look in their eyes still full of admiration for each other...

What did they did right that Hollywood couples failed to do?

I think what they did is understand that love is about accepting each other for who they are, and accepting the weakness of that person and learn to love it, not so much change it, although sometimes, a good partner can change you to a better person. I think strong relationship is based on respect, as well as trust, but most important is undying love. A strong relationship is when your partner is family - to an extend where divorce is not even possible, not even an option (you won't see yourself divorcing your mother/father, would you?)

Perhaps I have an ideal vision of how my relationship would be and perhaps it won't turn out the way I thought. No matter how certain you are, there's always some things that could happen, and could change everything.

But I believe, and hope that one day, I'll find a person who would have almost the same thoughts as me and accept all my weaknesses from day 1, till the day of my last breath.

The story above leads me to the fact that I've never really loved someone before.

Oh of course there were times in which I had crushes, but those were infatuation that lasted for merely few months, longest perhaps 2 years.

I guess it is a feeling that would fade away through time...to be honest, could that infatuation flamed to be love through time? I don't know. But none happened for me. Mine all turned into ashes...

How do I differentiate love and crush? I don't know.

So if I've never really loved someone, I won't know how it feels like to love, to sacrifice all I got for that person...and believe me, I really want to feel that feeling of selflessness, which I've yet feel. 

I think I've been selfish all my life, I've always loved myself more than others...

I really want to find someone that I'd happily put him before myself...

Over the weekend, I understand that love can't be forced.

It's a sad thing that one person just cannot love you back. It's unfair but feelings can't be forced. That's the sad truth.

I'm torn in between two friends whom I cared about dearly.

What happened between them is a case where one tangoed while the other tried, but can't. Tried...but can't.

At the end of the day, do you feel blessed that you've loved someone and learned to let go, or would you rather have not loved before. 

I do not know which is better...

To have loved, or to never have felt real love before..

But then again, how do one define.

With Lotsa Love,

TammyC